21 Questions Unraveled, Part One

Facebook. Ohhh, eww. Facebook.

Of course, I love it and suddenly need it. Days and weeks evaporate.

So, they've got this "app" called 21 Questions. There's no real excuse for it, except to indulge narcisissm to an EVEN MORE unseemly extent than had heretofore been possible.

One funny thing among many about 21 Questions is that it has nothing whatsoever to do with 21.
Or twenty-one.
Or XXI.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

And another is that it's other people answering questions about you rather than you answering questions about yourself. And they're all reductive, binary "Y/N" questions.

Moreover, there's not an available forum for the subject of these questions to address any misconceptions.

So, I've answered some of my own. Here, I've included the first batch. The format is:

QUESTION ASKED--YES/NO ANSWER GIVEN--MY ANSWER

21 Questions

Do you think that Benb Gallaher is tone deaf?	N	Supposing I was or were?
Do you think that Benb Gallaher is a poser?	N	Most of life is posing; just reflect for a moment on how often you’re obliged to care about things that are utterly unimportant to you. The boundary between what something what something means and what that thing actually is, is nebulous on a good day.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher has ever failed a class?	N	I have failed several classes.  Some of them I’ve failed more than once.
Is Benb Gallaher fun to be around?	Y	That’s outdated information.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher has ever smoked?	Y	Yes. And I would if
Would you blow a kiss to Benb Gallaher for fun?	Y	This person clearly likes to have fun, and I think that that’s just great.
Do you want to give Benb Gallaher a high-five?!	Y	I tend not to suffer high-fiving. It’s unnatural. My lack of depth perception leads to its being a rather protracted slapstick routine.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher has ever fantasized about you?	N	Thatt’s good, because I am sure that I have not. Anybody that isn’t Molly is as attractive as, say, a stapler.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher voted for Obama?	Y	I did—joyfully, but I expect that I won’t.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher would turn you in to the FBI if they asked?	N	I would not want to make their lives any easier. Those people are so sure that they know things that I feel sick to my stomach almost as much as I feel embarrassed for them.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher is cute?	Y	I think that one of my parents answered this.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher is funny?	Y	Looking.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher would ditch a date?	N	N is true, especially that I only date Molly F. But even before, I didn’t get my license until I was 19, so I would’ve had to walk home. I was never really a “dater,” though. Especially given that “dating” has become a euphemism for sexual intercourse. The perceived need to sexualize friendships is offensive to me; I see promiscuity as being tantamount to consumerism.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher is a good friend?	Y	I’ve missed many of my friends so deeply, and for so long, that I don’t even know what. And I remember tedious details—like the ID on Sam Zebovitz’s license plate (VBF 920), or Colleen Flanagan’s phone number from 2002 (860.729.7221), or Andy Fisher’s grandmother’s birthday (November 17), to name just a smattering—that do little to abet the process of staying in touch. Sorry, everybody—I thought that it would be different.
Would Benb Gallaher ever dress up in a mascot outfit and run around?	Y	That really depends upon the cause and the costume. Additionally, I was unable to run for about seven years due to hemiparesis from MS.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher is a good friend?	Y	Then come over! Shit!
Have you ever fantasized about Benb Gallaher?	N	Well, that’s good, because I’ve never fantasized about being the subject of a fantasy.
Would Benb Gallaher ever hit a girl?	N	Never. I am inflexible about the respect and equality to which all people are entitled in every relationship.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher has ever smoked?	Y	I have, but many people that I meet seem not to believe that. I think that it’s because I wear neckties so often that people think that I had a personalityectomy*. More on that later. (*thank you, Mary Patten)
Do you think that Benb Gallaher has ever played beer pong?	Y	Actually, I have not.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher could key a car for revenge?	N	Yeah, no. Strictly within the purview of “the weiner people.” Entitled moronity, straight up.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher has ever punched someone?	Y	Not since being led to believe that it was the only way to function as a male specimen. So, not since my age was a single digit. And I’m clumsy and cataplectic, so I don’t really know how to inflict violence.
Do you think Benb Gallaher is cool?	Y	People are free to make their own determinations.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher has ever stolen from work?	N	I am going to say nothing except this sentence about that.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher thinks wine in a box is classy?	N	For which class? Geometry—Yes! (It’s  cubic.)  Shop—Most assuredly not.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher still wet their bed in 6th grade?	N	My bedroom was the one closest to the bathroom in my house. And I had a window out of which I could pee if ever an emergency were to occur. (I didn’t mind peeing out of windows—in fact, back in 8th grade, I peed out of the window in my 6th-period Math class. Mrs. Botker would not let me go to the bathroom, quipping at my pleas, “No, you can’t go to the bathroom. But you can fix those drapes over there.” She gestured flippantly toward the window. Our class was on the third floor (Room 302?) of West Frederick Middle School, and we had these dauntingly massive windows. I had to climb up on some shelving to adjust the drapes. Once I got up there, on my knees with the window open, I really had no alternative but to do what I did. This deed was not a cause célèbre until later on. Having to pee is a state of being whose “airtime” is not commensurate with its relative ubiquity. I had better bladder control then than I do now.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher is cute?	Y	Well, I think that YOU’RE cute, screen.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher is socially awkward?	N	That’s all well and good, but I swear.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher can cook?	Y	I love to feed my people, but cooking is an entirely different story. So, the official answer: Not really, and not well. Too critical of self. I am in therapy.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher is an underachiever?	N	This is a loaded question.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher is religious?	N	This is correct, although that question is inspiring me tp recall that I had a dream last night featuring Desmond Tutu.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher likes blue eyes?	Y	Not particularly, actually.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher has ever failed a test?	N	Most tests that I’ve taken in recent years have garnered scores that would’ve disgraced me in the past.
Do you think that Benb Gallaher would bail you out of jail?	Y	Of course I would! Do you know where I can find a job?