Modernizing Manners

That title is unrelated to the contents of this post, but I've really been wondering who's gonna pick up the mantle of naming conventions and standards of conduct to suit this brutally insipid age. Chapters would include: Misspelled Tattoos--Should You Say Something?

But it's December, as sure as any vomit burp, so I guess that we all can in earnest begin discussing this year's superlatives, and admire (with the skills of reflection that we possess as Homo Sapiens Sapiens) how much we simultaneously 

ballyhoo the unremarkable ("Best Hangnail of 2014", "Most Epic Flossing Fail Ever"), 

minimize the cosmetically momentous (landing a camera on a comet, the Pope calling hell "a literary device"), 

and 

manufacture a retrospective sheen of non-existent distance from ongoing crises of ineffable impact and enormity.  

Oh, yes--and the inevitable slideshows of "Celebrities We Misplaced in 2014." 

I would like to add my own sets  superlatives, but I’ll wait until 2015 begins—you know, after the ball drops. (By the way, it never bounces, that ball.)